Most of us who consider ourselves Jewish are born to Jewish parents. Some of us converted to Judaism. Some of us are Jewishly educated, others are not. Some of us are Orthodox, Masorti (Conservative...not to be confused with a political position) or Reform. Some are Hassidic, some are Renewal, some are Humanist. Some consider themselves "culturally" Jewish, others say they're "food Jewish," some say they are unaffiliated Jews. Some are agnostic Jews, others are atheist Jews.
If one parent is a Jew, you're a Jew.
For the record, Jewish law requires that a Jew by birth has a Jewish mother. Jewish fathers are not required. We argue amongst ourselves about this, by the way.
If 2 grandparents are Jewish, you're a Jew.
But here's the thing: it doesn't matter. Even Ivanka, Jared, and the kids fall into the same hopper. And that hopper leads right to something unpleasant. A concentration camp...or, as one of my readers suggested, right into the ovens. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00.
If you're affiliated with a Jewish community entity, you are a Jew.
You probably want to read up on Mischling.The statute that will be used to segment us will resemble the Nazi version. Two parents: Jew. One parent: Jew. Two grandparents: Jew....so forth and so on. Even if you go to church and take communion, you might be a Jew.
If you're married to a Jew, you're a Jew.
Apparently Ann Coulter has done her homework. Back in November, she tweeted an odd statement, a bit of a harbinger. What is she hinting at? That only real Americans are born in America? I guess that makes my kids American, but not me. The Pew Foundation, on the other hand, recently released a poll showing 60% of Americans don't think you have to be born in America to be or become a "real American." Nor does that same 60% believe you have to be Christian. But turn the statements around, and suddenly, 30% think you do...and that number may very well be growing.
If you are the offspring of an extramarital affair with a Jew, you are a Jew.
Call me whatever you want.... but sticking your head in the sand isn't going to change how they label you when the time comes. And the time is coming when Bannon and his buddies are going to try.
If you are a Jew who converted to Christianity, you are a Jew.
So let me make this short and not-so-sweet. If you are Jewish and never considered yourself Jewish, get used to the idea. You are Jewish. You will be targeted as Jewish.
Nice people don't take to the streets. Nice people don't get involved. They have their own families, their own livelihoods, their own safety to worry about. They are not going to be on the front lines with you no matter what you think right now. But that's getting ahead of myself.
Here's the thing: if you are considered a Jew, be prepared. That means if push comes to shove, you will be harassed, bullied, or threatened. Figure out what you're gonna do when you are confronted on the subway by a group of people who suggest your place is not on the subway. Figure out what you're gonna do when that bagel shop you frequent suddenly has graffiti on the front window. Your non-Jewish neighbors are unlikely to come to your aid...no matter what they say now.
Now is the time to start getting used to your new reality. You might want to learn something about who you are...or who they think you are. Grok the idea. Talk it over with your family.
Jew or not Jew. It probably doesn't much matter if you're Mischling.
The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week
Do not run out and buy a gun. That's really pointless.
Instead, go get yourself a copy of The Constitution.