Monday, February 13, 2017

An Open Letter To Senators Klobuchar and Franken

Dear Senators Klobuchar and Franken

In the last few weeks, it's become increasingly clear that this nation is now under total Republican control and as such, we can only stand down on some of our more liberal ideology. I'm of the mind that perhaps it's time to think in the same direction as the GOP legislators. We must address equal rights in reproductive activity.  I know this is an issue dear to all our hearts, and perhaps it's time for us blue-niks to come around to red-state stands.

Would you be so kind as to draft a bill addressing the immorality and illegality of masturbatory emissions? Masturbation is a voluntary action that leads to life-giving sperm dying horrid deaths without completing their mission to fertilize an egg. 
9 And Onan knew that the seed would not be his; and it came to pass when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest he should give seed to his brother. 10. And the thing which he did was evil in the sight of the LORD; and He slew him also.                           Genesis, 38:8-9
This intentional slaying of the unborn, even in the semenal stage, cannot be ignored. No man has the right to decide which child will be born, just as no woman has the right to determine which of her children shall be born.

This is an equal rights and gender equality issue at its very core essence. 

In the spirit of protecting those equal rights, it's time to defund any office, institution, or health care provider that prescribes Viagra and Cialis as aids for recreational sexual intercourse. Providing those drugs encourages indiscriminate sexual relations outside those permitted by marriage. Additionally, condoms should no longer be sold OTC. A prescription for male contraceptive must be obtained from a licensed physician, and dispensed in monthly packets, four condoms in a pack. More than that might encourage reckless behavior. 

Just as the Bible says, sexual relations are for the advancement of humankind. Men who perform sexual acts must fully accept the outcome as desired by God. Preventing conception by condom or early withdrawal are on par with masturbatory emissions. 

Your records on equal rights are well known and well admired. It would be wonderful if you would put your weight behind a bill that would, once and for all, demand equal treatment in reproductive health. 

[You think I'm kidding?...only partly. We need a bill like this read into the record. What's good for the goose....]


SJ Schwaidelson
the wifely person

And yes, I have sent this to both senators. 


Meanwhile, back at the ranch....I spent the afternoon at a rather peaceful demonstration at the local office of Jason Lewis, our newly minted 2nd District CongressClown. Not that I had any high hopes for the guy after he answered my first letter to him with a stream of nonsense, but all we've been asking for since the election is a public Town Hall meeting. Clown Kline used to hold them on the phone where, if you asked a question that they vetted before you could ask it, he would give an answer to a completely different question, or he would hold public hearings on weekdays between 1:00 p.m. and 1:30 p.m. always at a senior center someplace remote. So, knowing that dog wasn't going to hunt again, we began asking for a public meeting the day after the election. He didn't win by a great margin, and yeah, the Independent candidate was the spoiler, but he won the election. 

Our chant: This is what democracy
looks like
That said, he has a duty, an obligation, a requirement to represent his entire constituency. If he chooses to continue to run away from the obligation, we will continue to stand in front of his office asking for nothing more than a town hall meeting. We're not asking for anything extrordinary; we are asking for a conversation. He's new at this job. We need to hear what he has to say as much he needs to hear what we have to say. He's Republican, but he's new and there is every possibility, however slim, that he is a centrist and will be interested in actually representing us. I'm not willing to give up on the whole process until we see how he acts and votes once he's doing real work. We are watching. 

Here's the real bottom line: we need to find the moderate Republicans and nurture them to stay at the center. We need them to know we won't skewer them if they show up and act like our representative and not some lock-step member of the Bannon Brigade. We're not asking them to change their stripes, we are looking to them to recognize the rest of us exist and we most certainly do have a voice....and a vote. 

Congressman Lewis, if you or your staff are reading have a chance to redeem your disappearing act. That's all we ask. Talk to us.  We are your constituents, too.

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week
Nothing make you feel younger or better than 
protesting at a peaceful demonstration.

Monday, February 6, 2017

Jew....or Not Jew

Are you a Jew?

Most of us who consider ourselves Jewish are born to Jewish parents. Some of us converted to Judaism. Some of us are Jewishly educated, others are not. Some of us are Orthodox, Masorti (Conservative...not to be confused with a political position) or Reform. Some are Hassidic, some are Renewal, some are Humanist. Some consider themselves "culturally" Jewish, others say they're "food Jewish," some say they are unaffiliated Jews. Some are agnostic Jews, others are atheist Jews. 

If one parent is a Jew, you're a Jew.

For the record, Jewish law requires that a Jew by birth has a Jewish mother. Jewish fathers are not required. We argue amongst ourselves about this, by the way.

If 2 grandparents are Jewish, you're a Jew.

But here's the thing: it doesn't matter.  Even Ivanka, Jared, and the kids fall into the same hopper. And that hopper leads right to something unpleasant. A concentration camp...or, as one of my readers suggested, right into the ovens. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00.

If you're affiliated with a Jewish community entity, you are a Jew.

You probably want to read up on Mischling. The statute that will be used to segment us will resemble the Nazi version. Two parents: Jew. One parent: Jew. Two grandparents: forth and so on. Even if you go to church and take communion, you might be a Jew. 

If you're married to a Jew, you're a Jew. 

Apparently Ann Coulter has done her homework. Back in November, she tweeted an odd statement, a bit of a harbinger. What is she hinting at? That only real Americans are born in America? I guess that makes my kids American, but not me. The Pew Foundation, on the other hand, recently released a poll showing 60% of Americans don't think you have to be born in America to be or become a "real American." Nor does that same 60% believe you have to be Christian. But turn the statements around, and suddenly, 30% think you do...and that number may very well be growing. 

If you are the offspring of an extramarital affair with a Jew, you are a Jew.

Call me whatever you want.... but sticking your head in the sand isn't going to change how they label you when the time comes. And the time is coming when Bannon and his buddies are going to try. 

If you are a Jew who converted to Christianity, you are a Jew. 

So let me make this short and not-so-sweet. If you are Jewish and never considered yourself Jewish, get used to the idea. You are Jewish. You will be targeted as Jewish. 

Nice people don't take to the streets. Nice people don't get involved. They have their own families, their own livelihoods, their own safety to worry about. They are not going to be on the front lines with you no matter what you think right now. But that's getting ahead of myself. 

How New Yorkers Deal With Swastikas
On The Subway
Here's the thing: if you are considered a Jew, be prepared. That means if push comes to shove, you will be harassed, bullied, or threatened. Figure out what you're gonna do when you are confronted on the subway by a group of people who suggest your place is not on the subway. Figure out what you're gonna do when that bagel shop you frequent suddenly has graffiti on the front window. Your non-Jewish neighbors are unlikely to come to your matter what they say now. 

Now is the time to start getting used to your new reality. You might want to learn something about who you are...or who they think you are. Grok the idea. Talk it over with your family. 

Jew or not Jew. It probably doesn't much matter if you're Mischling.

The Wifely Person's Tip o'the Week
Do not run out and buy a gun. That's really pointless.
Instead, go get yourself a copy of The Constitution.
Know what you're fighting for.